Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
