Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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