Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What a dumb baby whore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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