I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
