ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
