I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
