remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A+ Viking dick
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
