I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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