Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
