He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
