please come you make the beer taste better
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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