I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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