I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
