I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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