I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
