Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
