Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
