she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
