Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
