i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
