Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
