It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
