Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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