she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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