chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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