Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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