I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
