so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
