not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
