Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
