Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
