well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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