I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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