Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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