Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
