i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think i have two assholes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
