shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
