we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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