What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
