There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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