hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
More tranny stories later!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
