Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
