I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
