so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
