Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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