just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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