Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
