Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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