You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
