So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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