The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
