whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did I show you my penis last night?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
